Our inner critic and the power of self-talk
Imagine pulling up to an appointment at a prospect’s home. You worked hard on the bid, but as you approach the door, your mind starts to whisper:
“I can’t do this.”
“I’ll mess it up.”
“They won’t pay that much.”
“I’m not qualified.”
Self-doubt is common; you’ve been there yourself.
Were you aware of your negative self-talk? Did you stand strong against it, or did you discount your bid?
Were you confident and professional, or did the chip on your shoulder sabotage the deal?
Did you command respect or subordinate yourself to a bullying prospect?
At the end of the day, whether you sold the job or not, how did you feel about yourself?
Negative self-talk shapes our self-perception, attitudes, beliefs, behaviors and, our financial well-being.
The Negative Coach who’s always there
A National Science study reports that the average person has between 12,000 and 60,000 thoughts each day — each a private conversation with ourselves.
Most thoughts are negative (85%), repetitive (95%) and subconscious (90%).
As a result, we repeat negative thoughts over and over and over in our subconscious and are not even aware that we are doing it.
This is like having a secret, relentless, negativity coach constantly whispering negative thoughts in our ears.
Negative self-talk leads to:
Chronic self-doubt, which undermines your beliefs in your abilities and leads to missed opportunities, self-deselection, unexplored potential and low self-esteem.
Difficulty making clear and confident decisions.
You “what-if” your decisions but only toward the negative:
“What if this goes worse than expected?”
Never toward the positive:
“What if this goes better than expected?”
(And… by focusing on the negative, you are almost guaranteed to achieve your negative expectations.)
Imposter syndrome, which is a common affliction resulting from negative self-talk.
Imposter syndrome leaves people feeling like frauds despite their accomplishments.
This syndrome can lead to stress, anxiety, depression and a failure to acknowledge and celebrate your successes.
Diminished leadership skills.
People follow leaders who exhibit clarity of purpose and vision and who display a strong self-confidence.
The doubt and uncertainty brought on by negative self-talk erode every facet of good leadership qualities.
Overcoming negative self-talk
Reframing your thoughts
Negative self-talk perpetuates itself as unexamined negative beliefs contribute to negative attitudes,
which contribute to a negative action,
which results in a negative outcome,
which reinforces the original negative belief.
To break that cycle, we have to listen to what we are saying to ourselves.
Once we can identify our negative thoughts, we can challenge them by asking reframing questions.
Useful and common questions used to challenge negative thoughts include:
Reframing Questions:
Is this thought based on fact or fiction?
Is it objective reality or emotional response?
What evidence do I have to support or refute this belief?
How would I respond if a friend said this about themselves?
Am I jumping to conclusions and using all-or-nothing thinking?
Am I using extreme or absolute language such as “never,” “always,” “ever,” “won’t,” “everyone,” “no one”?
What’s the worst that could happen?
What’s the best that could happen?
Are those my reasons or my customers’ reasons?
Is this situation as bad as I’m making it out to be?
How does this thought affect my mood or behavior?
How can I transform questions from, for example, “I can’t” into “I don’t know how to yet”?
By asking questions such as these, you will learn where you have been blindly following subconscious self-talk, and you will have the opportunity to reshape your subconscious beliefs and change the outcomes of your decisions.
Conclusion
To overcome the effects of negative self-talk, the first step is to pay attention to what you are saying:
Absolutes such as “I can’t,” “People never,” or “People always” are ideas ripe for reframing.
Challenge your self-talk with questions:
“Why do I think that?”
“Is it true that people would never pay a higher price?”
“Is there evidence to the contrary?”
Rewrite the conversation by reframing it to the positive:
“I can’t” becomes “I don’t know how yet.”
“People never or people always” becomes
“People act a certain way for reasons I can understand and affect.”
Visualize success.
As author Brian Tracy says, “Act as if.”
Even if you don’t believe your new positive self-talk, act as if you do.
Put more energy into positive “what if” analysis than into negative “what if” analysis.
Focus on how things could go right — and they will.
Remember:
The way you talk to yourself influences every aspect of your business and life.
By adopting a positive reframing strategy, you’re not just improving your mindset; you’re setting the foundation for success.
What belief is holding you back right now?
What’s the first step you’re going to take today to make a change?
Martin Holland is a seasoned business coach and founder of Anneal Business Coaching. With over 45 years of experience and a background in owning seven businesses, Martin helps entrepreneurs build clarity, control, and profitability into their companies. He is the author of The Profit Problem: They say I make money... so why don’t I have any? and host of The Cashflow Contractor podcast.
This article is based on real coaching sessions and structured using digital tools to enhance clarity and accessibility.
Learn more at annealbc.com | Book: theprofitproblem.com | martin@annealbc.com